andersonnotes:

definitelynotmydivision:

johnbeingheterosexual:

definitelynotmydivision:

I like Anderson and his dinosaurs.

Me too.

I ship him with Sherlock.

I ship him with me We would go at museums to look at the dinosaurs and we would run around claiming we are T-Rex who are gonna eat strangers. We would also watch Jurassic Park. I think we would be more dangerous than Jim, if we ever meet

I’m flattered but I can’t risk Donovan punching anyone in the throat. 

Just referring you here, but here’s the two relevant bits:

‘He’s not even that keen on dinosaurs. I had plastic dinosaurs when I was little ‘cause I didn’t like my dolls. […] (Also I don’t share. I’ll club someone with an archaeopteryx femur if they actively hit on Anderson while I’m right there. If not, though, I - have at it, I guess? Not quite a relationship, and I’m way more busy than him sometimes, so it’s probably practical. Just don’t do it in a dinosaur costume or I’ll hunt you down.)’

And for the record, I wouldn’t punch someone for hitting on him or whatever. Just don’t fucking do it directly in front of me and you’re all good.

…I’m not sure why I picked an archaeopteryx, that seems a lot like something I’d get banned from the Museum for life by doing.

Meh. All-nighters, folks. Look what they do to you.

We were called in at 3.54 AM, to a private home with a large room which had caught fire, but was fireproofed from the outside.

All stone and steel and shit, the room itself, but it’d been furnished with various wooden… things, and leather things, and bits of chain and stuff.

It’s now resolved and I’ve been given a limited information release permit for it, but basically, sex dungeon.

Five people burned to death when something went wrong with a ‘fire cupping scene’, according to one of the survivors. A bottle of alcohol burst, caught on one of the electrical sockets, and caught the wood almost immediately. Given the heavy, locking restraints, there wasn’t much anyone could do, and since everything was varnished, it caught easily.

One woman, in a latex body-suit, is having to have skin grafts to replace the skin which the latex melted onto and into.

Three people who were restrained burned to death. One person who was trying to pull one of the restrained victims from the fire also burned to death. One man died of smoke inhalation, and another lost vision when the entirety of a molten latex wall-fitting hit his face as he was bound. Three other people sustained burns and smoke inhalation, and two more just smoke inhalation.

This is technically a crime, as someone saboutaged the plastic alcohol bottle.

I can’t disclose the name, but we solved it without Sherlock I’m-bored-if-there’s-no-proper-malice Holmes, and I think it’s important to point out that this was not a deliberate murder.

This sort of shit is never intentional. You can really do a lot of damage with accidents, and restraints add a little more risk, so it’s good to be aware of that.

Those poor bastards. I’m going out drinking as soon as Anderson’s got his last photos, I need to stop picturing melted rubber and flesh mixing.

andersonnotes:

Like all ugly guys, by being funny. 

Also I met her in college and she thought I was going to be a doctor. Ha! 

…Ugly?

…Okay, it’s time to address this bullshit.

I’m sorry, but where the hell are you even getting this impression FROM?

Yes. He’s pale. And he’s got a tendency to, you know, sneer a bit - 

- even at the best of times. (Yes, he went to a costume ball at one point. He had longer hair when he first got into the forensics dept., which he then cut too fucking short, and now it’s grown out and fucking gorgeous.)

So I can honestly understand that people might get the idea that he’s a bit - you know. Snide. It’s actually just because he’s pretty sarcastic and he’s got a narrow face, but…

I can see how you’d get that impression, yeah. I mean, he’s not the friendliest, but it’s mostly harmless sarcasm; sure as hell doesn’t always look gentle, though, because he’s got a narrow, expressive face.

On the OTHER hand, have any of you actually taken a moment to just - look at him?

Sort of aquiline nose, clear eyes, nice cheekbones, great jaw - I just don’t get where the fuck you people are getting this whole ‘Anderson is ugly’ thing.

(And his neck. His fucking neck, I really like his neck, it’s my favourite neck.)

Where is this coming from? I guess ‘cause he’s pale and he had a bad haircut and was annoyed at people being nasty fuckers at him all the time so he curls his lip up a bit to snap at them? For a while there he wasn’t sleeping properly -

- and ALSO the next person to make a ‘how did he get a wife’ joke I am punching in the tit because seriously, that woman was a cunt and didn’t know how fucking lucky she was, she just didn’t know how to deal with sarcasm, the stupid bitch. It’s not his fault, lots of people can’t handle sarcasm and they’ll be incredibly dickish about it and try to make it your fault. I detest her and I seriously wish I wasn’t an officer, sometimes, so I could beat the shit out of her and not have it called police brutality, because she was just, no. All wrong.

(I loathe her. She has a special place in my heart, right next to the racist prick who turned down my first application to join the police force service.)

Finally, to invalidate your arguments: he’s great in bed, very attentive, laid-back, makes me laugh, is pretty fucking clever despite what Sherlock Holmes says, is in the Forensics department of Scotland fucking Yard, for god’s sake…

And he looks like this. (From a profile photoshoot that everyone above a certain rank had to do. It’s on the website.)

And good lord he’s even better with nothing on.

That is all.

(Source: hopelessbookgeek)

andersonnotes:

donovannotes:

andersonnotes:

That woman does not clean anything. 

I clean things.

Just not your fucking floors.

I just want to say I never intended to insinuate anything negative and Sally Donovan is a wonderful, strong intelligent woman and an excellent co-worker and please please let go of my ear Sally you crazy sod

I only let go because someone made a comment and I needed to go bully him instead.

I’m not very clean, it’s true. Fuck tidying. I get home so goddamn tired I eat take-out half the time.

(As a side-note, though: do phrases like ‘she’s the man in the relationship’ or ‘who wears the pants’ piss anyone else off? It just seems fucking presumptuous as hell. Screw that. I boss Anderson around because it’s fun and he likes it, the kinky little prick. We’re as bad as each other and it’s pretty balanced.)

andersonnotes:

That woman does not clean anything. 

I clean things.

Just not your fucking floors.

andersonnotes:

donovannotes:

andersonnotes:

donovannotes:

andersonnotes:

Quit stealing my deodorant. If you like the men’s one so much, get your own. How would you feel if I would nick your, uh… tampons? 

Whatever the hell you’re intending to do with my stolen tampons…

Don’t? For the sake of health, sanity, and continuing genital function. There is nothing they can provide for you.

…Unless you get punched in the nose badly again, in which case, fuck, have at it, I guess.

Well, I don’t know many women’s hygiene products, do I? And putting aside that fact that ew, you are disgusting, the gist of this is that you should stop stealing my deodorant. 

Or I’ll start leaving Cosmopolitan lying around again. 

You could just bear the fact that I’m never going to stop with a little dignity.

I am pretty okay with smelling like you, for one thing. Puts me to sleep after a case.

…Without showering, which is a downside, but if I shower I wake up. So, fuck. Falling asleep quickly and showering when I wake up? Better option.

If you leave another Cosmo magazine around again I’m using it as kindling to burn your comics. I know you don’t have a huge collection, so it’ll feel nice and justifiable. Plus, your flat is fucking cold this time of year, jesus christ, man, how are you alive.

…Don’t you have any work to do, woman? 

(Don’t call me cute. Shh.)

I do. But that’s paperwork, and watching you get agitated is a great hobby.

…Wonder what happens if I pop a button?

(I feel like a disgrace to feminism, that’s what. On the plus side, your expression’ll be great.)